https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/mmcec2/dating_a_man_with_a_fear_of_intimacy_is_it_worth/I have nothing to say but the original post, and the responses are just so evil. When I was in my early 20s, I was told to wait until my late 20s and early 30s, because this is when women start maturing and getting better. But this thread is full of 40+ year old women still with the mentality teenagers, telling the OP to break up after she made the most vague and generic complaints about her boyfriend, and the OP ended up listening to them and breaking up with her boyfriend.
I will enumerate the complaints made by the OP:
First she complained that her boyfriend had "fear of abandonment/intimacy issues". This is vague so it is difficult to say what exactly she is talking about, but does it sound like something that would make her boyfriend inherently bad? Does it sound like something that would imply that the boyfriend is too genetically shitty for a 40 year old woman to date?
She then says "he's suddenly been acting erratic and saying hurtful things" which again is a vague statement. If you live with someone then it is certain the person will say hurtful things at some point, so this sentence is giving hardly any information at all.
And then she says he "doesn't seem to have close friends. He only revealed a few days ago that he never had a relationship last longer than 4-5 months" This illustrates the catch-22 of women, that they judge you based on your success with other women, and that even at 40 they don't really have individual preferences, it is all about your success with other women.
Everything else she writes is either positive, or makes the boyfriend's situation more understandable.
Based on these few vague statements about the boyfriend, all the comments are unitedly telling the 40 year old woman to break up with him.
One comment says "There are a lot of other 49 yo fish in the sea who are emotionally mature and won’t verbally abuse you." Remember that this is a 40 year old woman. The cliche is that 40 year old women are desperate to get married and they are willing to settle, because their eggs are about to expire so they want to marry as fast as they can with whomever they can. But no, they are reassuring this woman that she has plenty of options, like she is some teenage girl. And the reality is she probably does have tons of options even at 40. How the tables have turned.
Another comment says "Don’t date potential, date who they are right now or stay single." which illustrate women's willingness to be single rather than be with imperfect men, even in their 40s.
The OP then listened to these comments, and broke up with him, saying:
"thank you to everyone who took the time to chime in on this. I’m overwhelmed by how robust the discussion has been. If anyone is curious, I did end things with this man. He made it plain that he is not interested in working on himself and was so blinded by his own needs that he ignored mine. He even stated that he isn’t interested in dating anyone ever again (which I don’t believe). He also admitted to more falsehoods that he knowingly withheld from me in an attempt to string me along. Of course he wants to stay friends but I let him know that only after I’ve healed would that be a possibility and even then, probably not (I don’t stay friends with exes). This breakup hurts nonetheless and I’m annoyed that I’m still dealing with these types of men at my age. Thanks again for all of your feedback."
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