I hated public school so much and still get angry thinking about how much I hated it

I hated going to public school so much. I had meanest, most psychopathic classmates, who took pleasure in psychology damaging me, and they knew how to push buttons to do this. And then I had asshole teachers who were even worse than the students, and they kept academically antagonizing me because they were racist against me. I can think of 4 occasions where they tried to kick me out of various gifted programs or advanced/honors classes, but then they couldn't because my scores on the standardized tests and IQ tests they gave me were often the highest in the class, which would make it obvious that they were just being racist. From time to time I Google the names of my old teachers, in case they have died, because to read their obituary would bring me great pleasure. I hope every one of those cunts gets cancer and dies, I hate them all (except for a few neutral ones that did no harm to me).

The most lasting damage from public school has been the negative impact it had on my self esteem (both students and teachers contributed to this). I thought of my self as socially worthless and could not even imagine a girl being attracted to me. In fact, I had convinced myself that if a girl did express interest in me, it would certainly be a prank. In 8th grade this Asian girl, who was adopted by Mormons, asked me to the school dance, and I angrily rejected because I thought it was certainly a prank, but looking back it probably wasn't. This was the first and last time that a female expressed any kind of interest in me. Back then I felt so strongly that it was not possible for a female to be attracted to me, that it completely confused me when one expressed interest in me, and even today if a woman were to show signs of interest in me I would not be able to convince myself that it is real, until I had time to reflect on it. My low self esteem is just so deeply ingrained into my instincts due to the negative experiences I had growing up in that shithole public school. Rationally, I know that I'm not that unattractive, but my instincts do not know this, and what matters for social interactions are the instincts.

To prevent the same thing that happened to me from happening to my younger cousin, who like me was rejected and harassed by psychopathic classmates in elementary school, I strongly encouraged my uncle to take his son out of public school and have his wife homeschool him. He did this, and I think it will have a positive impact on his mental health. I notice already that after a couple of years of being out of public school he seems to have less submissive instincts than I did growing up.