Brewery experience

Today my workplace hosted a social event for postdocs and early career staff at a brewery.

At the event, I got fairly drunk, enough to make me very impulsive and completely lose whatever inhibition I had.

First I spoke with someone who used to be at the last work place as me. We knew people in common which I thought would make for exciting discussion, but although he kept talking it all felt mechanical, like he was bored. Then he started talking to other people.

There came a point where I was sitting down, and people on both sides of me were having conversations, but no one was talking to me. I attempted to butt myself into the discussions by making eye contact, but no one would make eye contact back.

In of the conversations I was trying to be a part of, this girl introduced herself to the guy next to me and shook her hand. While this was happening I was making eye contact and waiting for her to introduce herself to me, but she didn't, and then they started talking about things. Then I interrupted them to confront the girl about why she introduced herself to that guy but not me. I forgot exactly what she said and how she reacted, but she seemed uncomfortable and I ceased being part of that conversation.

After a few more minutes of me sitting by myself, I decided to butt myself in to another conversation, that was happening to the right of me. I tried making eye contact with them, but no one would make eye contact back. Then I just verbally told them that I am going to be part of the conversation. They might have said "ok" or something similar. But they still did not make eye contact with me as they were speaking among themselves. I then confronted a girl who was in the group and verbally told her that I was making eye contact with her and that it was rude not to make eye contact with people. She seemed seriously pissed off, as if she had been raped or violated. After this, the men started making eye contact with me, but the woman did not. She hated my guts.

There was this other guy diagonal from me who no one was talking to. He was Indian, severely balding, unattractive, overweight, and looked older than everyone else. I thought to myself "Shit, am I the equivalent of this guy?" After all, my hairline is receding, I have gained some weight recently, and I am probably older than most postdocs too. I started making conversation with him and we had a boring conversation. At some point I told him that the other people at the gathering are ignoring me, but the reality is that I am superior to them, and they should be on their hands and knees bowing down to me. After I said this he got up and left to another part of the room.

I spoke to a Christian guy and we talked religion, and we agreed on many things. I compared science and religion to time-domain and frequency-domain representations of a signal, where both are valid representations, but are useful for different things. I was envious of him because he was with his hot wife, even though in my opinion he was no better looking than me.

Then at one point this attractive Indian woman sat across from me and told me I looked sad and started making conversation with me. She said there was a mental health clinic at work I could go to.  She asked if I live alone. I'm not sure if she liked me or if she was just trying to do her good deed for the day. In any case, women never confront and try to be nice to me like she was, especially not white American women. After a while she said she had to go and told me it was nice talking to me. I thanked her for talking to me and I told her I appreciated it.

One thing I noticed was that every woman who was not a cunt to me was hot. The girl who didn't make eye contact with me was an overweight Asian who was not attractive. The other girl who didn't introduce herself to me looked similar. But when I confronted this girl and asked her why she didn't introduce herself to me, the Christian guy's wife started giggling, this somewhat surprised me, I felt like she kind of sympathized with me. There was also a hot German girl, also married, who was making eye contact with me as she was talking to a group, like she was trying to include me, but at that point I was busy talking to this Korean guy. And then of course there was the hot Indian girl.

I think ugly girls are even more hateful towards weird eccentric men than hot girls. I suppose this is for similar reasons that a wealthy person is more likely to be enterprising and take risks than a poor person. An ugly woman prefers a stable McDonald's job of a husband, someone who might not be very high quality or high status, but has enough of a place in society, that the woman can have some certainty that their offspring won't die off. A hot girl on the other hand is like a wealthy person, who sees more opportunity in starting a small business than in a McDonald's job. If the potential for reward is high enough then she would rather tolerate the risk of an unconventional prospect, than to take a stable but low paying McDonald's job. She can take a bit of a gamble and go for the man who might be highly beneficial for her genes but might also be detrimental, than go for the low risk low reward "safe" guy. Hot girls and rich people have attractiveness and wealth to spare so they can better tolerate risks.

I later saw the girl who didn't make eye contact with me flirting with this generic looking young fat white guy. Low status and low quality, but safe.

Nice. Christ is good